If you've had enough of Deliciously Ella, Helmsley and Helmsley and even Jamie Oliver, this is the blog for you! Maverick Priest, Stand-Up Comedian and Messy Cook Maggy Whitehouse has had enough of fake food pictures. This is real cooking — down and dirty and scrumptiously yummy. Maggy is also the author of the bestselling comedy novel 'For the Love of Dog' and 16 books on metaphysics and the Bible.
24. Britain’s Got Talent 3.
After Lion has gone, I start talking with a
young man who’s dressed in a fairly dramatic clown-type outfit. He’s not well endowed with charisma. Oh,
he’s a lovely boy, but he doesn’t give the impression that he’s got an act
that, at this stage in the process, would be expected to go through. I wonder if he’s
a patsy – one of the acts that they put on to get four redXs and good TV.It’s incredibly cruel if so as he’s
full of hope and expectancy. ‘I must be good if I’ve got this far,’ he says. I hope that my instinct is wrong.
In theory, yes, he should be good if he got this far. He's got through two previous auditions. I’m aware that I was
bypassed through the first two audition levels so I am almost certainly
expected to be good or to be weird. But I’m not sure about this guy...
Finally, comes my turn to be
interviewed. And this time (the dregs of the evening when all the posh
presenters have finished) it’s an older woman who starts asking me intelligent
and sensible questions. They are fairly intense including ‘why did you
become a priest?’
I tell her the story of Henry and how the
Catholic chaplain told me that he couldn’t go to heaven as he wasn’t a
Christian and how I walked up the aisle in church behind his coffin, hearing
him damned to hell. I tell her about the spiritual funerals I began to do so
that no one else would have to go through that extra trauma after bereavement.
There is a tear in her eye. I’m not sure this is the kind of thing that a
talent show is looking for. But they wanted me, and this is my story.
We talk too about spirit, about religion –
how God doesn’t fit into boxes and doesn’t follow the terms and conditions that
we set – we talk about love and Lion and about life the universe and
everything. I don’t mention dis-ease because right now I don’t have any, so
what would be the point?
The second show is running late and it’s
about 9.30 pm when I am taken down to backstage. There are a load of the other
acts, waiting to go on. Before that, they want to film me talking with a young
comedian in a baseball hat. I’m supposed to comfort him because he got four red
Xs. This implies that they might think I’m better than him but I don’t know. I
do my best; tell him to keep honing and practicing and find his niche and tell
him that some comedians work better in small, intimate circumstances and that
he shouldn’t loose faith.
Then I stand with the Robbie Williams guy
who’s thrilled because someone just videoed him on their mobile phone to say
happy birthday to the real Robbie Williams (Ant and Dec know him). I’m glad for
him. I’m sure he’ll do well.
He gets for red Xs. Apparently he doesn’t
sound at all like Robbie Williams. The poor man is totally gutted. Five years of work
gone down the drain. If it’s shown on TV he will be doubly humiliated – and it will be shown.
He’s done so much filming for them today that they must have had him down for a
The young man I talked with in the holding
room goes on before me. I can’t hear what he’s doing because now it’s my time
for my televised ‘before you go on’ talk with Ant and Dec. The sound of another four red Xs however, is unmistakable. My heart bleeds for him. For some reason, I
say ‘bless you both,’ when I’m introduced to Ant and Dec and they are shocked. But they say
‘thank you’ and talk to me about something but I can’t for the life of me
And just as I am standing in the wings,
heart in mouth, and microphone in hand, a researcher comes up and taps me on
‘Simon may ask you to tell him something
interesting about you,’ she says. ‘Make sure you tell him about the book you
wrote about the Messiah and America’s Got Talent.’
‘Really?’ say I, astounded. I would never
have done that without being prompted. But I am directable, remember? And truly,
that researcher was an angel.
‘On you go,’ says a member of the crew.
It’s one of those ‘remember this for a lifetime’ moments. I say ‘Thy will be
done,’ because I am here by God’s will and to be God’s vessel. And I walk out into the lights of the stage.
When I lived in Birmingham, I used to go to
the German Christmas Market in Victoria Square; it was an interesting sparkle
of an experience but there really never was much that I wanted to buy—or eat,
for that matter. So when we moved here, to Devon, and I discovered
that Exeter had a Christmas Market in the Cathedral Square, I wasn’t all that
keen...but I do like to get Christmas cards from the cathedral and you don’t
have much of an option if you want to visit St. Peter’s in November or
December; you can’t get there without encountering the market. And what a market it is! So far it’s my
favourite. Ever. Okay, I’ve only been to about six and I’m going to Italy next
week so I’ll report back on the Florence and Lucca Christmas Markets which may
be stunningly incredible but, trust me, if I like a Christmas Market, then it’s
a good one. I’m a total Christmas shopping cynic. How much of a cynic? So much so that I
don’t agree with the concept of chocolate Advent calendars. Advent is about
Top Tips: The Law of Attraction 101. Have you ever wondered what that Law of Attraction that's talked of so often in Spiritual and Holistic circles might be about? Here's a beginner's guide. ·Whatever you think about you begin to create in reality. This is the Law of Karma in action – what you put out you get back. What goes around, comes around. Nowadays it’s known as The Law of Attraction — similar vibrations are attracted to similar vibrations. ·This is often thought to be a ‘New Age’ thing but it’s very old — and a definite part of the Judaeo-Christian teachings. The Gospel of John starts with, ‘In the beginning was the Word.’ Our words are our thoughts in action and they create reality. Deuteronomy 30:18 sums it up: “I call heaven and earth to bear witness on your behalf this day that I have placed before you life and death; blessing and cursing. Therefore choose life that you and what you sow shall live.” We are choosing what to think every second — even if that choice …
I'm asked quite often how to cleanse spaces, whether they are at home or the office. So here is my Church's recipe for Holy Water and the blessing we use for spaces. It works — there are many other ways of blessing a space also so you should choose the one that resonates for you. If the Christian symbology doesn't work, then it's not for you and that's fine...The wording says 'priest' but you are the priest if you are saying the prayers. The Blessing of Holy WaterFill a jug with water and place about a tablespoon of salt in a small bowl.Where there is a + make the sign of the cross with your hand over the salt or the water.Over the salt say the following:I cleanse you, creature of salt, by the living God, by the holy É God, by the omnipotent É God, that you may be purified from all evil influences, in the name of the most Holy One, who is lord of angels and humanity, and who fills all the worlds with his majesty and glory. Amen.I pray to you, O God, in your …