If you've had enough of Deliciously Ella, Helmsley and Helmsley and even Jamie Oliver, this is the blog for you! Maverick Priest, Stand-Up Comedian and Messy Cook Maggy Whitehouse has had enough of fake food pictures. This is real cooking — down and dirty and scrumptiously yummy. Maggy is also the author of the bestselling comedy novel 'For the Love of Dog' and 16 books on metaphysics and the Bible.
28. The ‘Don’t Fuck With Me’ Boots.
Fifteen years ago, my ex, Jay, and I emigrated to
Montana. It didn’t work out and a year later we were back in the UK. There are
a whole load of stories about that time on earlier entries to this blog – and a
My Weekly Pocket Novel coming out in
2014 based on the story of how I got Didcot, my beagle home (see earlier
chapter on miracles).
One of the things that helped me while I
was out there on my own, trying to sell the café we had bought and to bring
Didi home to England via six months in Spain (at the very beginning of
Passports for Pets, the USA was not included) was a pair of kick-ass
boots.Here’s the story of how I
I’d just arrived back in Montana after six
futile weeks in the UK fighting to get our visa restored (long story). Jay was
back in the UK and I had three months to run and sell the café (even though I
had no experience – it was Jay’s business) and sort everything out.
day after I arrived back in Bozeman was a Sunday, so I had a whole day together
with my cute, furry delight of a dog who, once the frantic reunion was
accomplished and her kind carers duly thanked, just went back to her everyday
mode of ‘what’s next and is there food?’
the other hand, was terrified. I had no experience of running the café and I
knew that the scent of failure was already on me. People sense that. Jay and I
had lost and had to leave. Vultures would start to swirl.
Sunday morning I checked out the (closed) café which now had unattractively
dead plants in the flower pots outside and, inside, really wasn’t very clean. A
load of complaints turned up in the week I was back but what could you expect? Delilah,
the manager, had walked out as soon as we told her from England that the visa
was lost and she was really the only hope of keeping order.
girls may mean well but when the cat’s away the mice will play. I think the
worst they did to chase the clients away (and chase them away they had) was to
play rap music and club hits loudly during each working day instead of the
easy-listening or classical music we had always used.
afternoon I encountered my first miracle-worker in Bozeman, Robin Christaens.
Robin is a Texan and she part-owned Montana Health Spa right next door to the
café. We’d met before but only when she came in to purchase what we in the UK
would have called a flapjack and the Bozites called a ‘health bar.’
day, Robin, who was working next door, picked me up, adopted me, took me to
Home Depot to buy replacement plants. She bought a cooked chicken and made me
eat some because protein would help my adrenal glands and my blood sugar
levels; she planted the plants with me and became my Bozeman Bestie. That
night, she took Didi and me back to the trailer she was renting and crawled
through the most amazing tangle of boxes of suppliments, gels, massage creams
and clutter to find me a very special gift.
she said. ‘You are a wimp! What you need is something to get you going; to get
you up there. Here they are. These were my Dad’s boots. You have big feet so
they’ll fit you. Honey, these are Don’t
Fuck With Me boots and I wanna see you wearing them.’
The Don’t Fuck With Me boots were
rattlesnake skin and black leather cowboy boots. They weren’t young by any
means but as I slid my feet into them, they wrapped themselves around me in a
perfect fit. They were gloriously nothing like I had ever even considered
wearing and I loved them.
I wore them for six years – through those
three amazing months when God and I achieved the impossible, found all the help
we could need and sold the café; the year afterwards. I wore them when I worked peeling
vegetables in a pub to make the rent, then worked as a PA in a venture capital
company. I wore them when Jay and I broke up and in the years afterwards when
Lion and I set up our own publishing company and started pulling the ends of
our lives together.
And then I gave them to another woman who
was broken and battered by divorce and hopelessness and lack of faith. This had been going on for years and she was becoming resigned to unhappiness. ‘Honey,’
I said to her. ‘You are a wimp. What you need is a pair of don’t fuck with me boots. Here they are. They are yours. Let them
do their magic for you.’
I don’t know where the boots are now. I
hope she passed them on when she no longer needed them. I do know that she does
no longer need them – she is settled and happy. And I’m sure they helped her
along that road.
replaced the boots with a new pair of snakeskin ones. And if anyone tells me I
shouldn’t wear real snakeskin, nowadays I get quite ratty. Snake is my totem; I
take full karmic responsibility for wearing that skin. It was a gift to me in a
time of need and I am permitted to wear it – and to tell my story too, so that
others can find the courage they need to survive.
When I lived in Birmingham, I used to go to
the German Christmas Market in Victoria Square; it was an interesting sparkle
of an experience but there really never was much that I wanted to buy—or eat,
for that matter. So when we moved here, to Devon, and I discovered
that Exeter had a Christmas Market in the Cathedral Square, I wasn’t all that
keen...but I do like to get Christmas cards from the cathedral and you don’t
have much of an option if you want to visit St. Peter’s in November or
December; you can’t get there without encountering the market. And what a market it is! So far it’s my
favourite. Ever. Okay, I’ve only been to about six and I’m going to Italy next
week so I’ll report back on the Florence and Lucca Christmas Markets which may
be stunningly incredible but, trust me, if I like a Christmas Market, then it’s
a good one. I’m a total Christmas shopping cynic. How much of a cynic? So much so that I
don’t agree with the concept of chocolate Advent calendars. Advent is about
Top Tips: The Law of Attraction 101. Have you ever wondered what that Law of Attraction that's talked of so often in Spiritual and Holistic circles might be about? Here's a beginner's guide. ·Whatever you think about you begin to create in reality. This is the Law of Karma in action – what you put out you get back. What goes around, comes around. Nowadays it’s known as The Law of Attraction — similar vibrations are attracted to similar vibrations. ·This is often thought to be a ‘New Age’ thing but it’s very old — and a definite part of the Judaeo-Christian teachings. The Gospel of John starts with, ‘In the beginning was the Word.’ Our words are our thoughts in action and they create reality. Deuteronomy 30:18 sums it up: “I call heaven and earth to bear witness on your behalf this day that I have placed before you life and death; blessing and cursing. Therefore choose life that you and what you sow shall live.” We are choosing what to think every second — even if that choice …
I'm asked quite often how to cleanse spaces, whether they are at home or the office. So here is my Church's recipe for Holy Water and the blessing we use for spaces. It works — there are many other ways of blessing a space also so you should choose the one that resonates for you. If the Christian symbology doesn't work, then it's not for you and that's fine...The wording says 'priest' but you are the priest if you are saying the prayers. The Blessing of Holy WaterFill a jug with water and place about a tablespoon of salt in a small bowl.Where there is a + make the sign of the cross with your hand over the salt or the water.Over the salt say the following:I cleanse you, creature of salt, by the living God, by the holy É God, by the omnipotent É God, that you may be purified from all evil influences, in the name of the most Holy One, who is lord of angels and humanity, and who fills all the worlds with his majesty and glory. Amen.I pray to you, O God, in your …